软苏格拉底

We often hear people discussing security in relationships, mentioning that 'he always responds promptly' is a sign of security. However, this idea is actually based on a desire for control. True security isn't about whether the other person responds immediately, but rather about not feeling anxious when they don't. This is the true manifestation of security. Most people actually crave certainty, not security. Certainty refers to having clear expectations and plans for the future, but in intimate relationships, certainty is precisely what we shouldn't pursue. This is because certainty can deprive us of the joy of exploration and discovery, and can also lead to unnecessary expectations and control over our partner's behavior. The difference between security and certainty lies in their foundations: security is based on trust and understanding, while certainty is based on control and expectations. Security makes us feel free and relaxed, while certainty makes us feel constrained and anxious. Therefore, we should strive for true security, rather than being fooled by certainty.