我踏马而来

Some relationships are unequal from the start. For instance, you meet a girl who says, 'I'm a girl, so you should give in to me' - turning an individual issue into a gender-based confrontation. Once you fall into this trap, it's hard to get out. A friend of mine, an 80s-born office worker, had been struggling to buy a house in Chengdu. He fell for a female streamer who was less well-off than him. To get close to her, he spent tens of thousands of dollars on gifts. After meeting her in person twice, they became friends, but just friends. He couldn't help but be nice to her and took the initiative in everything. At first, she seemed to appreciate it, giving him plenty of emotional value when they met. He thought this was a sign of her affection, so he became more and more invested. However, she gradually became colder and harder to get in touch with. He thought he wasn't doing enough, but in reality, he was never the one with the upper hand. At first, everything was fine - she wouldn't play with her phone during meals and knew how to interact with someone like him. But as time went on, her attitude became increasingly haughty. One time, she asked him to meet at a high-end restaurant, and he was excited to dress up for the occasion. However, she spent the whole time taking selfies and playing with her phone, only putting it away when it was time to pay the bill. This is a classic example of someone with a low level of emotional intelligence but a high level of pretentiousness, using their 'refined' behavior to manipulate your weaknesses. I had a chat with him: 'I understand that you like her and want to treat her well, but what can she offer you in return? Now that she has the upper hand, what about in the future?' Fortunately, he eventually came to realize that being with her didn't make his life any happier. His work and income were suffering, and he was in a bad state. When she wanted to meet up, it was just to have him accompany her shopping or playing, which didn't interest him at all. Not long after, he took two actions: first, he cut off contact with the streamer, and second, he attracted another girl due to the changes he had made in himself. I'm not telling this story to create a gender divide. I just want to remind everyone who is still unilaterally investing in a relationship: if you make someone who doesn't respect you the center of your life, you'll never get what you want. At best, they'll be a seasoning in your life, but the main course should always be yourself. Your time and emotions are valuable. Don't hold onto someone who only takes and gives nothing in return just because you're not willing to let go. You deserve to meet someone who makes you better, not someone who drains you. Focus on living your own life, and the right person will come along naturally.