Desheng Li

What changes occur in a man's life after his income decreases? This question reminds me of a young woman I met on Soul. She had an incredible personality - whenever she had a fight with her husband, she would frantically like my posts on Moments, saying it was her way of knocking on my door, which is why I nicknamed her 'Dongdong Sister'. I still remember our first meeting; she wore a sexy dress, had a sweet smile, and was stunningly beautiful. However, as she began to share her relationship with her husband, I discovered that her personality was even more attractive than her looks. She was a straightforward and open person, willing to share her thoughts and feelings. Every time she fought with her husband, she would like my posts on Moments, as if saying, 'I'm feeling down now, and I need someone to listen to me.' As I got to know her better, I realized she needed someone to listen to her, not someone to solve her problems. So, I would lend her a listening ear whenever she needed it. Through my interactions with Dongdong Sister, I understood that when a man's income decreases, his life undergoes many changes. His self-esteem is affected, and he may feel depressed and lost. At such times, he needs someone to accompany him, offer support, and encouragement.

Her husband used to own a fleet of trucks that transported cement and sand to construction sites, earning a substantial income. She never had to work and spent her days indulging in leisure activities like shopping, beauty treatments, and sharing her enviable lifestyle on social media. Her life was the epitome of luxury, and she reveled in the envy of others. However, life is full of uncertainties, and a series of unfortunate events, including a costly accident and a downturn in the real estate market, led to a significant decline in their income. Her life took a drastic turn, and she began to despise her husband, calling him a failure and withholding intimacy due to his inability to provide. Her words were laced with resentment and dissatisfaction, as if all their misfortunes were a result of her husband's incompetence. The discontent and bitterness in her words revealed her underlying vulnerability and insecurity. The luxurious life they once knew had become a distant dream. Their marriage, once filled with love and affection, had transformed into a battleground of arguments and discontent. Her husband, despite his efforts to make ends meet, felt belittled and powerless due to her harsh words. Their marriage had reached a crossroads. Would she continue to blame her husband, or would she try to understand and support him? Would she remain stuck in the past, reminiscing about their luxurious lifestyle, or would she bravely face reality and work together to change their future? Her decision would determine the fate of their marriage.

I still remember that conversation with her, and one sentence she said that left a deep impression on me: 'When I have money, I don't care about him; when I don't have money, he can't control me!' At that moment, I felt a mix of shock and disgust, as if her words had revealed a hidden corner of human nature. Her sentence was like a mirror, reflecting the two faces of human nature: one face of indifference in times of wealth, and another face of helplessness and passivity in times of poverty. After hearing her words, I started to reflect on why this phenomenon exists. Why do people change the way they treat others based on their economic situation? I began to realize that economic problems are not just material issues, but also deeply affect human nature. They can change our attitude towards others, our self-positioning, and our relationships with others. Later, I gradually lost contact with her. Today, when Dang Dang Jie came knocking on my door again, I knew something must have happened. Perhaps she had fallen into financial trouble again, perhaps she had experienced the helplessness of human nature again. Her knocking on the door seemed to remind me that human nature is far more complex than we imagine.

Over the years, I've met many people on social media, especially on platforms like Soul, Douyin, Kuaishou, and Xiaohongshu. Among them, most are divorced women. Honestly, I'm curious about their lives. Why did they choose to get divorced? What were their marriages like? Through chatting with them, I discovered that the reasons for their divorces, although seemingly complex on the surface, can all be boiled down to one core issue: the husband's reduced income! Yes, it's that simple. Other reasons, such as incompatible personalities, poor communication, and domestic violence, are all exposed after the husband's income decreases. It can be said that economic problems are the biggest killer of these marriages. But I have a friend whose wife's story surprised me. Her situation is different from others; her husband isn't someone with a low income. Yet, their marriage still came to an end. I'm curious, what led to their divorce? I decided to have a deeper conversation with her and listen to her story.

A friend of mine, who is also one of my suppliers, would often join me for dinner and a foot massage after we finished discussing business. This was before the pandemic, and thinking back, business was really booming at that time. We would often share our business experiences and life insights, and there was a deep trust and understanding between us. His wife, whom we met at a foot massage parlor, was beautiful, eloquent, and worked in sales. They started dating, and to be honest, I didn't think they would last. Their personalities were just too different - my friend was calm and rational, while his wife was lively and outgoing. But their love story changed my perspective on their relationship. I recall one time when the three of us went out for dinner, and his wife was sharing stories and challenges from her sales job. My friend was listening intently, offering advice and support. Watching them interact, I felt a sense of warmth and admiration. Their love may have seemed unlikely, but they had found a deep connection and understanding. Looking back on those pre-pandemic days, business was thriving, and people were so much more connected. Although my friend and his wife's love story is still ongoing, I'm sure they've found happiness together.

In recent years, many people have been talking about the economic downturn and how difficult it is to do business. However, there are some people who, despite facing numerous challenges, have not given up. My friends, a married couple, are one such example, and their story has touched my heart deeply. As far as I know, their business has not been doing well, and they have lost a significant amount of money, with debts totaling over $300,000. Faced with such a difficult situation, many people might choose to give up or at least have one partner leave. However, this couple chose to persevere and work together to overcome their challenges. What touches me even more is that the wife not only did not leave but also put aside her pride as a boss and took a job as a salesperson at a foot massage parlor. It must have been very difficult for her to find this job. Her husband supported her every step of the way, and together they worked hard to overcome their difficulties. Today, my friend sent me a message asking me to go to the foot massage parlor where his wife works and sign up for a membership to show my support. I wouldn't refuse, of course, because when friends are in trouble, we should help each other out. At the same time, I also wanted to go and experience their services for myself. Through this couple's story, I see the power of love. Even in the face of numerous challenges, they chose to persevere and work together. Their story tells us that even in the most difficult times, love can be the driving force that propels us forward.

Today, I added someone, and without asking, I directly guessed: Is it because of domestic violence? She sent several shocked expressions: How did you know!!!!! I think everyone has their own story, and every story may hide some pain and secrets. Sometimes, we don't need to ask too many questions to guess someone's past. I know a friend who always appears strong and independent, but at times, I catch glimpses of pain in her eyes. One day, I asked her: 'Have you ever experienced something particularly sad in the past?' She was taken aback, then told me that her parents divorced when she was very young, and she's always felt abandoned. I suddenly realized that she's been trying to hide her vulnerability. Everyone has their own pain, and everyone is trying to move forward. Sometimes, we don't need to ask too many questions to guess someone's past. I think that's why I was able to guess that person's experience with domestic violence. Because I've been through similar things myself, I can feel her pain. I think everyone should have more empathy, more understanding, and more tolerance.

As an active user of Soul, I've noticed that the proportion of single moms on this platform is surprisingly higher than on Xiaohongshu and Douyin! I personally think this might be because Soul's user base is more open and genuine. Every time I've dated a girl on Soul, I've curiously asked them why they got divorced. But later on, I stopped asking, because ninety-nine percent of the girls told me the same story: they were all victims of domestic violence. Either by their husbands or their mothers-in-law. It sounds like they were all innocent. I started thinking, why is this the case? Why do so many single moms have similar experiences? Is it a problem with our society and culture, or is it a problem with our family structure? I decided to delve deeper into this issue and learn more about their stories and feelings. Through my investigation and conversations, I found that although the stories of these single moms are all different, they share some common characteristics. Many of them experienced long-term domestic violence and emotional abuse until they finally found the courage to leave. Some were forced to divorce due to tense relationships with their mothers-in-law. Regardless of the reason, all the stories moved me to feel pain and sympathy. I hope that by sharing these stories, more people can understand the lives and feelings of single moms. I also hope that our society can provide them with more support and help. After all, families and marriages should be havens of love and care, not prisons of suffering and torment.

Her cooperation is great, with a huge contrast between her inner and outer self. On the surface, she appears to be a strong and confident woman, capable of handling anything, but deep down, she's still a young girl at heart. I find this incredibly fascinating and charming. She does many things that teenagers in love do, like writing love diaries and taking pictures of our shadows under the streetlights. These actions make me find her extremely adorable, and they remind me of my own youthful days. Even though we're approaching forty, she still retains that innocent and childish love. I'm not sure if it's a good thing for a woman nearing forty to maintain this kind of innocence and childishness in love. Some might see it as immature, but I think it's her unique charm. Her little-girl heart makes our relationship sweeter and more romantic. I love her attitude towards love, her passion for life, and her positivity. Her presence makes me feel like life is more interesting and passionate. Although we have many differences, our love makes me feel extremely happy and fulfilled.

I still remember the day I met a sister in a Douyin hiking group, a divorced single mother with a decent appearance and great conversation skills. We both loved listening to crosstalk, sometimes I'd invite her, and sometimes she'd invite me. Gradually, our conversations expanded from crosstalk to our daily lives, interests, and even our expectations for the future. Later, I was afraid we'd get too deep, and I didn't want to beat around the bush, so I told her I wanted a partner but didn't want to get married. She said the same, that she didn't want to remarry after her divorce, and I thought we'd reached an agreement. We continued to communicate, sharing our lives and feeling each other's warmth. But as time passed, I began to realize the subtlety of this relationship. We both wanted a partner, but we didn't want to get married, and this state of limbo made us feel uncertain. We were both trying to find a balance, satisfying each other's needs without getting too deep. My story with Douyin sister might be a common experience for many people. We're all searching for a connection that satisfies our needs without making us feel trapped. This delicate balance might be the greatest challenge for modern people.

My relationship with her was originally simple and straightforward. We both knew each other's needs and took what we wanted. At least, that's how I saw it - a clean and uncomplicated relationship with minimal conflict and issues. However, she later became too serious, with extremely high emotional needs that put a lot of pressure on me. As a thirty-year-old man, I'm no longer as impulsive and passionate as I was in my youth. My needs are simple - as long as my basic needs are met, I'm fine. However, she keeps trying to get more from me - more care, more companionship, more love. Her emotional needs are like a bottomless pit that can never be filled. I tried to explain my feelings and needs to her, but she just couldn't understand. Her logic was simple: since we're together, we should give and support each other mutually. However, I think this is too idealistic. Everyone has their own needs and limits, and I don't want to be overwhelmed by her emotional needs. I started to feel a lot of pressure, thinking I couldn't meet her needs. Our relationship became increasingly tense, and I began to wonder if we should continue like this. Maybe our relationship just isn't suitable, or maybe we should go our separate ways.

Recently, a couple from Zhejiang has been making headlines for their unconventional pursuit, which deviates from the traditional marital life. They have been posting online ads, seeking a single male to spend romantic nights with. The couple's actions have sparked heated debates online, with some supporting their choice and others opposing it. Some believe it's their personal decision and should be respected, while others think it's a betrayal of marriage and a lack of respect. However, the couple's actions have also prompted people to reflect on marriage and love. Is marriage limited to traditional patterns? Is love confined to a single form? Is their approach a new mode of love? These questions are worth pondering. In modern society, people's values and lifestyles are becoming increasingly diverse. Marital relationships are no longer confined to traditional patterns, and more people are exploring new relationship models. Is this couple's approach a new trend? Only time will tell.